VICI

Mrtupevc wrote: Zakaj je v BiH več pedrov kot profesorjev? ... .. . Ker gre Bosancem lažje v rit kot v glavo!

Mrtupevc wrote: Zakaj je v BiH več pedrov kot profesorjev? ... .. . Ker gre Bosancem lažje v rit kot v glavo!

Omg presekal me je...hahah...sej bi blo se kej za dodat, sam bi bilo ze nestrpno :>

It's April Fools day - m'kay, t'was actually :)

dalši post ful vicov and stuff
1. Pošta Slovenije Vas obvešča, da smo znamko z vašim obrazom umaknili iz prodaje, ker ljudje niso vedeli na katero stran naj plunejo!

2. Gorenjec pravi ženi:" Obleci se plašč, jaz grem na pivo"
Žena reče:" Menda me ne boš na pijačo povabil?"
Gorenjec:"Ne trapa, samo peč bom ugasnil!"

3.Kaj stoji v kotu meče žagovno in se praši? Ostržek, ki si ga meče na roke!
ena serija od mtk:
Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes!
Yo mama so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!
Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes
Yo mama so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends
Yo mama so stupid when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon
Yo mama so stupid she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" because she couldn't read
Yo mama so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind
Yo mama so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl
Yo mama so stupid you have to dig for her IQ!
Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!
Yo mama so stupid that she sold the car for gas money.
Yo mama so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!
Yo mama so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!
Yo mama so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!
Yo mama so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!
Yo mama so stupid she took a cup to see Juice.
Yo mama so stupid she asked you "What is the number for 911"
Yo mama so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
Yo mama so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put "O.K."
Yo mama so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.
Yo mama so stupid she stole free bread.
Yo mama so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl.
Yo mama so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.
Yo mama so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.
Yo mama so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners.
Yo mama so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.
Yo mama so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!
Yo mama so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.
Yo mama so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean!
Yo mama so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl
Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!
Yo mama so stupid that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
Yo mama so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!
Yo mama so stupid that under "Education" on her job apllication, she put "Hooked on Phonics."
Yo mama so stupid she bought a videocamera to record cable tv shows at home.
Yo mama so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.
Yo mama so stupid she jumped out the window and went up.
Yo mama so stupid she thought a quarterback was an income tax refund.
Yo mama so stupid she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.
Yo mama so stupid she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house.
Yo mama so stupid she put lipstick on her forehead, talking about she was trying to makeup her mind.
Yo mama so stupid she watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes.


Yo mama so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop!
Yo mamma so fat you haveta roll over twice to get off her...
Yo mama so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too
Yo momma's so fat, when she wore a shirt with an AA on it, people thought it was American Airlines biggest jet.
Yo mama so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up
Yo mama so fat her nickname is "Lardo"
Yo mama so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.
Yo mama so fat were in her right now
Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise
Yo mama so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone
Yo mama so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors
Yo mama so fat she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her for then new world
Yo mama so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy
Yo mama so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller
Yo mama so fat when she has wants someone to shake her hand, she has to give directions!
Yo mama so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"
Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!"
Yo mama so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized
Yo mama so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway
Yo mama so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets
Yo mama so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th
Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it.
Yo mama so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"
Yo mama so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!
Yo mama so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"
Yo mama so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.
Yo mama so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon!
Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock.
Yo mama so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!
Yo mama so fat she's got her own area code!
Yo mama so fat even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!
Yo mama so fat God couldn't light Earth until she moved!
Yo mama so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!
Yo mama so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!
Yo mama so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago...
Yo mama so fat she's got Amtrak written on her leg.
Yo mama so fat when she bunje jumps she goes straight to hell!
Yo mama so fat her legs is like spoiled milk - white & chunky!
Yo mama so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the her good side!
Yo mama so fat she wakes up in sections!
Yo mama so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!
Yo mama so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of george washington's nose.
Yo mama so fat she rolled over 4 quarters and it made a dollar!
Yo mama so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!
Yo mama so fat that her senior pictures had to be arial views!
Yo mama so fat when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck!!!
Yo mama so fat she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!
Yo mama so fat she's on both sides of the family!
Yo mama so fat everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!
Yo mama so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon!
Yo mama so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!
Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
Yo mama so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway!
Yo momma's so fat, I had to take a train and two busses just to get on her good side.
Yo mama so fat even her clothes have stretch marks!
Yo mama so fat she has a wooden leg with a kickstand!
Yo mama so fat she has to use a VCR as a beeper!
Yo mama so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!
Yo mama so fat when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she's wearin tights!
Yo mama so fat she got hit by a parked car!
Yo mama so fat they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!
Yo mama so fat she has a run in her blue-jeans!
Yo mama so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave she landed on 12th
Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat people say "Taxi!"
Yo mama so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller!
Yo mama so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck!
Yo mama so fat when she bungee jumps she pulls down the bridge too
Yo mama so fat she steps on a scale & it goes one at a time please
Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it!
Yo mama so fat they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping
Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it.
Yo mama so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.
Yo mama so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.
Yo mama so fat when they used her underwear elastic for bungee jumping, they hit the ground.
Yo mama so fat when she back up she beep.
Yo mama so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck.
Yo mama so fat she has to buy two airline tickets.
Yo mama so fat when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.
Yo mama so fat she influences the tides.
Yo mama so fat she stands in two time zones.
Yo mama so fat she broke her leg and gravy fell out.
Yo mama so fat the animals at the zoo feed her.
Yo mama so fat she was baptized at Marine World.
Yo mama so fat she's on both sides of the family!
Yo mama so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.
Yo mama so fat the Aids quilt wouldn't cover her
Yo mama so fat that she cant tie her own shoes.
Yo mama so fat I tried to drive around her and I ran out of gas.
Yo mama so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip flops.
Yo mama so fat shes on both sides of the family
Yo mama so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through
Yo mama so fat when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.
Yo mama so fat she broke her leg and gravy poured out
Yo mama so fat sets off car alarms when she runs.
Yo mama so fat she cant reach her back pocket.
Yo mama so fat when she wears one of those X jackets, helicopters try to land on her back!
Yo mama so fat her college graduation picture was an airial.
Yo mama so fat she lays on the beach and greenpeace tried to push her back in the water
Yo mama so fat that when she sits on the beach, Greenpeace shows up and tries to tow her back into the ocean.....
Yo mama so fat she uses redwoods to pick her teeth
Yo mama so fat the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures
Yo mama so fat she jumped in the air and got stuck.
Yo mama so fat she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her waist they spelled out boulevard.
Yo mama so fat she sat on a dollar and squeezed a booger out George Washington's nose.
Yo mama so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles.
Yo mama so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon.
Yo mama so fat she hoola-hooped the super bowl.
Yo mama so fat that she would have been in E.T., but when she rode the bike across the moon, she caused an eclipse.
Yo mama so fat she was baptised in the ocean.
Yo mama so fat she has to iron her clothes in the driveway.
Yo mama so fat they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it.
Yo mama so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?"
Yo mama so fat when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the green arrow!
Yo mama so fat that when whe was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
Yo mama so fat we went to the drive-in and didn't have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet.


Yo mama so poor her face is on the front of a foodstamp.
Yo mama so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.
Yo mama so poor she can't afford to pay attention!
Yo mama so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."
Yo mama so poor when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush!
Yo mama so poor when I ring the doorbell she says,"DING!"
Yo mama so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers!
Yo mama so poor your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.
Yo mama so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."
Yo mama so poor she drives a peanut.
Yo mama so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.


Yo mama so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.
Yo mama so ugly they put her in dough and made monster cookies!
Yo mama so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."
Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.
Yo mama so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."
Yo mama so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
Yo mama so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower
Yo mama so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.
Yo mama so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck
Yo mama so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.
Yo mama so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras
Yo mama so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her
Yo mama so ugly Ted Dansen wouldn't date her!
Yo mama so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say "Wow, is it Halloween already?"
Yo mama so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
Yo mama so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.
Yo mama so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
Yo mama so ugly she made an onion cry.
Yo mama so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower!
Yo mama so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours. . .for a quote!
Yo mama so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!
Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and gets arrested!
Yo mama so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!
Yo mama so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!
Yo mama so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!
Yo mama so ugly The NHL banned her for life
Yo mama so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween!
Yo mama so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday!
Yo mama so ugly if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects!
Yo mama so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints
Yo mama so ugly she made an onion cry!
Yo mama so ugly people go as her for Halloween.
Yo mama so ugly that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.
Yo mama so ugly she scares the roaches away.
Yo mama so ugly we have to tie a steak around your neck so the dog will play with her!
Yo mama so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
Yo mama so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.
Yo mama so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.


Yo mama so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.
Yo mama so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.
Yo mama so old I told her to act her own age, and she died.
Yo mama so old that when she was in school there was no history class.
Yo mama so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
Yo mama so old her birth certificate says expired on it.
Yo mama so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
Yo mama so old she ran track with dinosaurs.
Yo mama so old her social security number is 1!
Yo mama so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.


Yo mama so hairy she look like she got Buchwheat in a headlock.
Yo mama so dark that she can leave fingerprints on charcoal.
Yo mama so flat she's jealous of the wall!
Yo mama so flat she's jealous of a book!
Yo mama so flat she's jealous of a piece of paper!
Yo mama house so small that when she orders a large pizza she had to go outside to eat it.
Yo mama house so small she has to go outside to eat a large pizza.
Yo mama house so small you have to go outside to change your mind.
Yo mama's glasses are so thick that when she looks on a map she can see people waving.
Yo mama's glasses are so thick she can see into the future.
Yo mama so dark she went to night school and was marked absent!
Yo mama so dark she went to night school and was marked absent.
Yo mama so hairy Bigfoot is taking her picture!
Yo mama so dark she has to wear white gloves when she eats Tootsie Rolls to keep from eating her fingers.
Yo mama so hairy you almost died of rugburn at birth!
Yo mama so dark she spits chocolate milk!
Yo mama so hairy she wears a Nike tag on her weave so now everybody calls her Hair Jordan.

It took yo mama 10 tries to get her drivers license, she couldnt get used to the front seat!
Yo mama so clumsy she got tangled up in a cordless phone.
Yo mama so bald even a wig wouldn't help!
Yo mama so bald you can see whats on her mind
Yo mama so bald that she took a shower and got brain-washed.
Yo mama feet are so big her shoes have to have license plates!
Yo mama aint so bad...she would give you the hair off of her back!
Yo mama lips so big, Chap Stick had to invent a spray.
Yo mama cross-eyed and watches TV in stereo.
Yo mama hips are so big, people set their drinks on them.
Yo mama hair so nappy she has to take Tylenol just to comb it.
Yo mama so wrinkled, she has to screw her hat on.
Yo mama twice the man you are.
Yo mama is missing a finger and can't count past nine.
Yo mama arms are so short, she has to tilt her head to scratch her ear.
Yo mama middle name is Rambo.
Yo mama in a wheelchair and says, "You ain't gonna puch me 'round no more."
Yo mama rouchy, the McDonalds she works in doesn't even serve Happy Meals.
Yo mama so stupid was born on Independence Day and can't remember her birthday.
Yo mama mouth so big, she speaks in surround sound.
Yo mama gums are so black she spits Yoo-hoo.
Yo mama breath smell so bad when she yawns her teeth duck.
I saw your mama at the freak show petting the world's largest turtle.
I saw your mama kicking a can down the street. I asked her what she was doing, and she said "Moving."
Yo mama teeth are so rotten, when she smiles they look like dice.

isce zajec nekoga k bi kdu travo z njim....isce isce pa ne najde....pol najde eno kuro...zvija zvija prizge in pravi: kura cutis kej?
kura pravi- nic
zajec se enkrat potegne:kura cutis zdej kej?
- nic
zajec se enkrat potegne ze je wsa zelen u faco se mu ze maw vrti:kura cutis zdej kej?
- nic! niti kljuna niti nog niti kril. nic

Mujo in Haso se znajdeta v Londonu. Pa Mujo vprasa Hasota: "Kaj naj recem, ce me kdo kaj vprasa ?"
Haso: "Reci 'yes'."
Pa gre Mujo in sreca buldoga, ki ga vprasa: "Do you want to be dead?"
"Yes," mu odgovori Mujo. Buldog ga pretepe.
Drugi dan spet vprasa Hasota, kaj naj odgovori, ce ga kdo kaj vprasa. Haso, rece naj odgovori "no". Se isti dan steca buldoga, ki ga vprasa: "Was that yesterday enough?"
Mujo mu odgovori: "No!"
...*bum!*

Mujo in Haso se vozita z avtomobilom. Zavijeta na avtocesto. Prizgeta radio in uzivata v glasbi. Nenadoma se oglasi napovedovalec: "Paznja, paznja! Neki ludak na avtoputu A1 vozi u suprotnom smjeru !!"
A Haso: "Ma kaki jedan, bolan, ima jih na stotine !!"

Kako umrejo mozganske celice blondinke?
Samotno, predvsem samotno.

POLICAJ USTAVI JANEZA:"Vozniško, prosim!"
PA SE ZADERE ŽENA: "Pihat mu dejte , pihat mu dejte ...!!!"
POLICAJ PREGLEDUJE DOKUMENT IN REČE: "Ja, v redu, se
prometno,prosim."
PA SE SPET ZADERE ŽENA: "Pihat mu dejte, a ne vidte
kakšen je?! Piha naj!"
POLICAJ VRNE JANEZU DOKUMENTE NAZAJ: "Lahko greste,gospod."
PA SPET BABA UTRESE SVOJO GOFLO: "Zakaj mu pa ne dastepihat,
sej je čist zadet. Dejte mu no pihat, gospod policaj!!!??"
POLICAJ RAZUMEVAJOČ : "Gospa, Vaš mož je že dovolj kaznovan."

Nekaj mešanih vicev.

Ulazi Baba u podrum zgrade i vidi tamo gomilu klinaca.
Reće bakuta: „Šta radite ovde deco?!”
Klinci : „Ma baba drogiramo se, cirkamo, duvamo..”
Tek će baba: „Neka, neka, samo nemoj da sedite na betonu”.

Razgovaraju gluv in glup.
Pita gluv glupoga: Koliko je 4 + 4?
Glup: 6
Gluv: Na kurcu te nosam!

Kako se imenuje pametna Bosanka?
FATA MORGANA

Tri nepisana pravila:
1.
2.
3.

Pita Mujo Hasu hoće li kupiti pola teleta, a Haso mu odgovara:
"Šta će mi da mi pada po dvorištu"!

Sreli se momak i cura, i naravno poljubili se.
Kad odjednom reče cura momku: Zašto tebi toliko smrdi iz usta??
Kad će momak: Pa smrdilo bi i tebi da imaš para za ćevape!

Jedu mujo i fata škampe i fata se isprska po haljini:
-Juu, izgledam ko svinja
A mujo će:
-A još si se isflekala

Tone brod, Japanc uznemiremo hoda gore dole a Crnogoraca sjedi.
-pa šta ćemo, upita Japanac?
-oca vam jebem japanskog, vi bi samo nešto da radite

Kakšna je formula za beg iz Aušvica?
Višina dimnika * hitrost vetra.

Voze se četiri pijanca u autu Zagrebom i zaustavi ih policajac i kaže:
Dečki, prešli ste na crveno.
A kaj ćemo, kad je ponestalo bjelog.

Kako kulturen gospod dami reče da gre na WC?
Grem pozdravit prijatelja ki ga boste kasneje spoznali.

Sa čim se Bosanci griju a da počinje sa slovom Z?
Z'drvma .

Razlika med neumnimi in pametnimi moškimi.
Neumni govorijo vice o blondinkah, pametni pa spijo z njimi.

Zakaj v Kitajski ni komarjev?
Vsak je ubil svojega.

Vpraša sin očeta.Ata, kaj je to teorija kaj pa resnišnost?
Poglej.Gre do svoje žene in jo vpraša.Ali bi spala z Michale Jacksonom za 20mil dolarjev? Bi, reče žena.Gre do hčerke in jo vpraša enako, tudi ona reče da bi.Nato še isto vprašanje postavi sinu.Po premisleku, sin odvrne da.Vidiš, teoretično mi imamo milione dolarjev, v resnici pa imamo dve kurbi in enga pedra.

Vozi se cigan u auto školi. Pita ga instruktor vožnje:
- "Kakav je ovo znak?"
Cigan odgovara:
- "Aluminijski, gazda."

Zakaj se palčki smejijo ko igrajo nogomet?
Zato ker jih trava žgečka po jajcih.
Pride mož do žene pa ji reče:
Nimaš jošk kot Pamela Anderson,
nimaš riti kot J.Lo,
ne sexas kot Sharon Stone
ampak mala... Pušiš pa kot union olimpija

1.Pride hitler k zidom pa rece:"dans boste svinjino jedl!"
zidje pa:"yessssssssssss!"(vem d zidi niso znal anglescine)
hitler njim nazaj:"tiho prasci!"

2.Igrajo zidi pa naziji fuzbal u plinskih celicah.
Kdu mislte d bo zmagu?
zidje, saj so na domacem terenu

3.Zakaj ima tisto za spuscanje plina 11 lukenj?
Zto k ma zid 10 prstou

4.Hitler rece zidom:"dans boste tekel na 100 metrou, prviga pa zadniga bom ustrelu, takoj 2 na start!"

5.Hitler naredi tekmovanje za zide plavanje po kislini, ki ražera.
Eden izmed njih preplava do cilja napol razžrt Hitler pa mu rece, "cestitam, uvrstu si se v polfinale".

6. Hitler ima govor in eden od gledalcev oz. poslusalcev kihne. Hitler vprasa:"kdu je tu naredu!?"
pa noben se ne jau. Pa da 1 vrsto na odstrel. Se zmem se nobem ne jau.Da 2 vrsto na odstrel, se zmem noben ne prizna. Pol pa en prizna, Hitler pa rece:"Nazdravje!"

Prostitutko obišče študent. Vpraša jo:
"Ali bi lahko za tisoč tolarjev, samo enkrat noter, enkrat ven?"
Ker ni imela drugega dela prostitutka privoli, mladenič se spravi noter, pa kar tišči in tišči noter, vedno globje v njo.
"To je bilo noter, zdaj pa ven!" se razjezi prostitutka.
"Ne morem," reče študent, "imam samo petsto tolarjev."

Bil sem presrečen. Z deklico svojega srca sem hodil že več kot leto dni,
ko sva sklenila, da se poročiva. Moji starši so nama v vseh pogledih
pomagali, prijatelji so me spodbujali, moja deklica pa...
Bila je sanjska.
Samo ena stvar me je malce vznemirjala-moja bodoča tašča. Bila je uspešna
poslovna ženska, bistra, predvsem pa lepa in seksi. Včasih se je z menoj
čisto očitno spogledovala, kar me je spravljalo v zadrego.
Nekega dne me je poklicala, naj se oglasim, da bova pregledala seznam
gostov.
Šel sem. Bila je sama in ko sem prišel, mi je zašepetala, da se bom kmalu
poročil, njej pa sem všeč in si me želi. Rada bi se z menoj ljubila, samo
enkrat, preden se poročim in se zapišem njeni hčeri.
Kaj naj bi ji rekel?
Bil sem tako presenečen, da nisem mogel izustiti niti besede. "Grem v
spalnico," je rekla, "in če si pripravljen, pridi za menoj."
Ko je odhajala po stopnicah v spalnico, sem gledal za njo in občudoval
njeno graciozno zadnjico. Samo trenutek sem pomišljal, potem sem pa šel k
vhodnim vratom, jih odprl in stopil iz hiše...
Pred hišo je stal njen mož, me s solznimi očmi objel in rekel: "Zelo smo
srečni in zadovoljni, da si opravil našo malo preizkušnjo.. Ne bi si mogli
želeti boljšega moža za svojo hčer, kot si ti. Dobrodošel v družini."
Iz tega sem se naučil: kondome imej vedno v avtu.

Na letalu so bili Bush, Michael Jackson in polno afriških otrok.
Nato začne pilot kričat, da bodo strmoglavili, ni pa bilo dovolj padal za vse .
Pa pravi Michael Jackson Bushu:
"Najprej rešimo otroke".
Bush odgovori:
"Jebeš otroke",
Michael Jackson pa:
"A mamo se tolko cajta?"

se vozijo na letalu american, rus, bosanc in slovenc. prvlece american izpod stola gajbo jack danielsa in zacnejo pit. pa se cez ene pou ure american vstane, odpre vrata od aviona pa vrze gajbo vn. pa vsi
"a si ti nor, celo gajbo si vn fuknu, ka bomo zdj pili?"
american: "ma ne se sekirat, se bomo ustavli u ameriki, mamo mi se polno tega doma."
pa najde nekje rus gajbo vodke in pijejo tisto naprej. pa se cez ene pou ure rus vstane, odpre vrata aviona pa vrze vso vodko vn. pa spet vsi
"si ti nor? zdej pa res nimamo nc za pit!"
rus: "ne sekirite se, se bomo ustavli v rusiji, mamo mi polno tega doma."
pol se vozije se ene pol ure, pa se vstane slovenc, odpre vrata, pa vrze bosanca vn.

se sprehaja ojdip po peklu in pride do sizifa lih na zacetk hriba.
"rines, a, rines?"
pa sizif: "jebi si mater!"

lohk bi jih dau še več sam sm na šihtu pa ne gre
pol zvečer



Edited by puzavnar - 23.May.2008 at 12:05

Ta citat je star. Prebol. Dj mir. In ni vec smesen.

geek: Dude, i was just about to fuck her.....but then she went offline

Sedam čuda socijalizma:

Tegale sem danes dobu (nisem gledu, če ga je slučajno že kdo napisu, ali....)...Takole gre:

Sta hodili dve ovci po travi pa reče prva: 'Beeeeeeeeeee' , pa reče druga: 'Si mi vzela z jezika!'

Mož pride nakresan domov. Žena mu primaže zaušnico: "Ali boš še pil?"
Mož molči. Žena mu pritisne še eno zaušnico: "Odgovori! Ali boš še pil?"
Mož molči.Žena mu prisoli še tretjo zaušnico: "Povej! Ali boš še pil?"
"No prav," reče mož, "pa nalij!"

"Zakaj je na svetu več žensk kot moških?"
"Ker je po svetu več za čistiti kot za misliti!"

Ujameta 2 kanibala cigana, na raženj z njim in ga obračata.
"Pa ne ga tak hitr vrtet", pravi tretji.
"Ma, če ga počasneje, pa krompir krade!"

Kako spoznaš ženina na bosanski ohceti? Med vsemi ima najlepšo trenirko.

Pride blondinka v trgovino:
B: Kilo kruha prosim !
P: črnega ali belega ?
B: Ni važno, saj sem s kolesom !

Katera so najhujša tri leta v življenju povprečnega črnogorca ?
Prvi razred osnovne šole.

tebi res ni pomoči...

uh vse sm prebral

Kravi sta stali na pašniku in ena je tresla svoje vime.
"Kaj pa delaš?" jo je druga presenečeno vprašala.
"Jutri imam rojstni dan in delam smetano."

hehe, dobra cenzura smo

en komentar ali dva in zrusi se, opet

Phantom wrote: Mene ne moti, če narediš štos na thrash (itak mi ni na prvem mestu, tako da daj si duška, hahaha), tud ne, če nardiš štos/vic na speed ali heavy metal. Če bo pa štos še v redu, se mu bom pa še nasmejal zraven!!! :)

Men gre na kurac, ko Šujo napiše že dvestodvajstič, da mu grem js in nova šola na kurac. To je vesela tema če mi ni pomoči, aha no to bom že sam vedu, tist ko pozna ozadje se je nasmejal en mal, glede na to da, ni noben posebi povdaru da je sam iznajdu vis, ki ga je sm postu ali pač. Bom dal v IF temo štos. Zadnje cajte me re kr fajn napadate, kot da bi biu Prophet #2 ali kmetavz1234, al kej. Kot da mi je važn. Če bi pa mogu bit pogoj da si trašer, pa razdelte forum pa se nas bo ostalih 15MDM, 27 BM pa 28DM za sebe menl razn take skupne teme kot je TA ! ....  no grem mal v čikfajt pogledat. ČIK - zgori, hočeš novga, še enga, ja sej vem tut Dave bi mogu met zadnjo besedo ... heh

jst neb nč reku sam to je blo lih tolk smešn k 3 tipka z leve na mojem mobilcu.......

saiysoFLAMER wrote: Niti se nisem norčeval iz benda in stila glasbe (sej se niti nebi iz njih) ampak iz ljudi samih, ki imajo svoje fore. Na isti način sm mislu za treš fore od članov benda ne pa od benda samega, čeprav bi se našla kaka ideja.... čikfajt kdaj drugič... ne glede na to kaj js mislim o TM

Da te odrešim muk za naslednjič ... the word you're looking for is thrash.

saiysoFLAMER wrote: To je vesela tema

jah, ti si pa zalostn





Edited by FABO-SUPERGRIZL - 31.May.2008 at 08:41

Slovenec in Hrvat - se rešita na samotni otok.

Tam ju ujamejo domorodci in ju obsodijo na smrt.


Bili so kar moderni domorodci in so imeli giljotino.

Najprej dajo pod rezilo Slovenca in sprožijo giljotino.


Sekira se zatakne 20 cm nad njegovim vratom.


Domorodci to razumejo kot božje znamenje, zato ga pomilostijo in mu
    obljubijo izponitev treh želja.


Zaželi si čoln in 12 veslačev , zaboj zlata in ključ osmico.


Vse to mu dajo, jih pa zelo zanima kaj mu bo ključ.


Pa pravi Slovenec: "da vam popravim to giljotino, preden date gor
Hrvata…

lol, ker dumbass :D

js mam strikan-mercyful fate-pulover

Sin se doma stalno laže, kako oceno je dobil v šoli, pa se stara dva
odločita kupiti napravo, ki zapiska (BIIP), če kdo pove kaj kar ni res
in se jo odločita sprobat.

mama: vpraša sina, kako oceno je dobil
sin: pet
BIIP!!!
sin: no ja tri
BIIP!!!
sin: priznam, enko
mama: da te ni sram, sama sem v šoli mela same petke BIIP!!!
ata: vskoči, da bi pomagal mami - veš, ko sem jaz hodil v šolo...  BIIP!!!
sin: ata  ti sploh nisi hodil v šolo!?
ata: mulc, pazi kako se pogovarjaš z mano, jaz sem tvoj oče BIIP!!!...

Tole je sicer že staro, samo vseen... Preberte si, kake skrbi si delajo nekateri starci glede svojih otrok... Sam je pa "zaskrbljena mama" dobila nagrado!

Odpre medve novo mesnico in kod prva stranka pride k medvedu zajec in ga upraša če ma kilo jagod za prodat.Medved mu odvrn da je to mesnica in da prodaja meso in ne sadja.Naslednji dan pride spet zajec prašat medveda če  ma kilo jagod za predat, medved mu spet pove da je to mesnica in da prodaja meso in ne sadja.To se ponavleja skozi cel teden.Nato medved konec tedna popizdi in reče zajcu če me šenkrt prašaš če prodajam jagode te prbijem gor na zid.Naslednji teden pride zajec vs prestrašen v medvo mesnic in praša medveda če ma žeblje.Medved mu reč da jih nima, potem mu reče zajec a maš kilo jagod za prodat!!!! 

NJEN DNEVNIK:

V soboto zvečer se mi je zazdel nekam čuden. Dobila sva se v bifeju in popila pijačo.

Pomislila sem, da sem jaz kriva za njegovo razpoloženje,

ker sem bila celo popoldne v shopingu s prijateljico in malo zamudila na zmenek,

ampak on ni nič rekel. Pogovor se je zatikal, pa sem mu predlagala,

da greva na kako bolj mirno mesto, da bi se v miru pogovorila.

Šla sva v restavracijo, ampak on se je še naprej čudno obnašal.  

Z mislimi je bil nekje odsoten. Vprašala sem ga, kaj mu je,

pa mi je samo odgovoril, da to nima veze z mano.

Odgovor mi ni zvenel ravno prepričljivo.

Ko sva se z avtom vračala domov, sem mu rekla, da ga imam rada,

ampak on ni nič odgovoril, samo roko je položil na moje rame.

Nisem si znala razložiti njegovega obnašanja, saj ni rekel nazaj,

da me ima rad.

Nič ni rekel.

Postajala sem vedno bolj zaskrbljena. Ko sva prišla, sem pomislila,

da me mogoče hoče zapustiti.

Poskušala sem navezati pogovor, a on je samo prižgal TV in odsotno gledal program,

kot da mi hoče povedati,  da je med nama konec.  

Na koncu sem odnehala in rekla, da grem spat.

Nekaj minut kasneje je prišel tudi on.

Na moje presenečenje se je odzval na moje božanje in se ljubil z mano.

Ampak še vedno je bil nekoliko raztresen.

Hotela sem se soočiti s situacijo in se pogovoriti, ampak on je samo zaspal.

Začela sem jokati in jokala sem dokler nisem zaspala.

Ne vem več, kaj storiti.

Prepričana sem, da ima drugo !

Moje življenje je popolna katastrofa !

   

  NJEGOV DNEVNIK:

Hajduk je danes izgubil.

Ampak seks je bil pa dober !

se setata dve lepinji po ulici in pride mimo pizza..
pa rece ena lepinja drugi:
poglej jo, kurbo, kako je namazana..